Awesome Person Award, Part I

            Needless to say, there are some really incredible people  here that I’ve met, and I’ve been inspired by their acts of kindness, whether it’s directed toward me or not. I’m going to write about 2 of them here, and look for more another time. Kinda like a series!

My brother-in-law, Pollo.

            His real name is Pollo, but everyone calls him Trea or Tea, which is Chinese for Uncle. I guess he has some Chinese blood in him. I’m related to him through my host brother. My host brother’s sister is married to him, making him my brother-in-law. He is named Pollo, after the first spaceship to land on the moon, because that’s the year he was born.

            Pollo is an exemplary man by any culture’s standards. Sometimes it’s so easy to lose faith in men here, but there really are some good, hardworking men. As I said, he is married and with 2 children, but his wife and children live in Phnom Penh. Pollo lives here on our compound during the week, and visits his family on the weekends. He is a doctor (though not licensed?) and works at the local Health Center. He is highly respected by the entire village because he is good at what he does and he is reliable.

            His two children are 10 and 7. His 10 year old son is brilliant and adorable and I have high hopes he’ll grow up to be just like his father. His 7 year old daughter is mentally handicapped, but is well loved and well taken care of by the whole family, especially by her father. Many men in Cambodia are very hands-off in raising the children, especially when the going gets tough, but Pollo is not. He is there to literally feed his daughter, and to answer every question she repeats over and over.

            Pollo does not drink, which is close to a miracle in Cambodia. He doesn’t smoke. He does not visit brothels. He works. And he works hard. He goes to the Health Center early in the morning. Around lunchtime he comes home for an hour. He sets up his hammock, grabs a book, and reads until he falls asleep for a few minutes. Then he goes back to the Health Center and is there until it is nearly dark, when he comes back and has dinner with us. He does his laundry either at night, or on the occasional weekends that he is here. He does not live in our house, but rather in this tiny shack that barely has 4 walls behind the house. I gather that almost all of his money goes to Phnom Penh to support his family. On the rare occasion that he gets home before dark, he does other strenuous house work such as pumping water, watering the plants, drying the rice, gardening, and irrigating the front lawn.

            I personally really enjoy time with Pollo as well. He is really intelligent, and we’ve had conversations about intricate topics like politics, religion, culture, geography, history, health etc. Though he says otherwise, he can speak English a pretty good amount, especially considering he is self-taught. Pollo is CONSTANTLY testing my Khmer proficiency. If there is a particularly lengthy and fast Khmer conversation happening, he’ll stop a ways into it and ask me if I understand what is being said. He gets a kick out of it every time I say “I stopped listening a while ago already.” If I claim to understand the conversation, he’ll ask me to translate, or summarize in Khmer, and he laughs as I try to blunder through a translation. Sometimes I give him a taste of his own medicine (hah, Doctor joke), and I’ll make him think in English.

            Of course there was also that time that I was really sick, and he went out at 10PM to the Health Center to get and IV for me. Then he came back and put the IV in. He called Peace Corps and settled things with the Peace Corps doctor. He watched over me for a while.

            Other things I know about Pollo is that he lost a lot of his family during the Khmer Rouge Genocide, though I don’t remember who. His marriage was arranged, but he has grown to love his wife very much. He is extremely health conscious, and won’t even eat meat other than locally caught fish or frogs because he doesn’t want to ingest whatever chemicals might go into the meat at the slaughterhouse or the market. He has a car for going back and forth to see his family, but he also has a sweet mountain bike (100x better than my city bike). If he’s not running late and it’s not raining, he prefers to take his bike to get in a little exercise. He’s a handsome guy, with a lighter complexion and jet black hair. I would say he does look more Chinese than Khmer. He has a polite, kind face, and the best high-pitched laugh in the village.

            The other “ awesome person award” goes to a fairly new friend of mine here in the village. Her name is Seng Heak (I think. I’ve never used her name, as it is very rude for a younger person to call an older person by their name).

            I met her because I go through phone cards really quickly for my internet. So, for a few reasons, I was on the lookout for another phone shop to get my phone/internet credit. First, because I literally used to cause my phone shop to run out of phone cards because I bought all of them, and second, because if I keep buying from the same person every time, they’re eventually going to think I’m loaded. Obviously, I’m not loaded, I just try to make sure I budget for internet, because it’s really important for me. Anyways, I digress... but that is how I happened on Seng Heak’s shop. It’s on the far side of the market, but it’s not too deep into the market where I have to brave mud ponds and crowds.

            One day when I was there, I saw at her shop one of my 7th grade students from the previous year, and found out he was her son. Actually, it was one of my problem kids! The kind of kid who literally just talked over the teacher’s lesson, and came late almost every day. Seng Heak asked me if I ever taught her son, and I told her yes. The poor kid had this face on like.. ‘this conversation can’t possibly benefit me.’ And she told me, ‘he’s a naughty kid! Right? Is he naughty?’ Not really sure how to respond I said ‘yeah, a little.’ She laughed and said “well, you have my permission to hit him. I don’t know how to hit him, so somebody’s gotta!’ I laughed... not really sure if she was kidding, and went on with my business.

            The next time I went to buy a card, she asked me if I was teaching any beginner classes. I figured she was talking about for her son, so I began to tell her about my summer classes at the school, but then she said for HER. Instead, I told her about my class for adults that I do 2 or 3 times a week. I told her the time and place. She said that it sounded great, because she’d be embarrassed to study with children. I paid for my card and walked away, honestly not expecting her to come. People have asked me about my adult class before, and I’ve invited them, but they usually don’t actually come.

            However, the next class she was there, with a pen and a new book, ready to study. I admit that at first I was a little frustrated because the adult class had been studying with me for 8 or 9 months already and know quite a bit. I knew I would have to do a TON of review, I’d have to slow down the rest of the students, and deal with the fact that a lot of the content was going to go right over her head. The first few classes didn’t go so well. The English sounds were so foreign to her, and she was really struggling to memorize the words. After a few classes, she asked me “Teacher, what can I do to learn English quickly?” (This is actually a very common question that I get so much it almost makes me crazy. People literally believe that I have some sort of magical solution to learning English other than just studying hard. They think because I am a foreigner, I can put English into their brain through osmosis with little time and even less effort.) I just told her what I tell everyone. Study. Before you come to class, look over your notebook and review what we did last time so it’s fresh in your mind. I also invited her to come 15 minutes before the other students so I can try to do a little bit of catch-up in that time.

            Now here we are, nearly 2 months later. She is doing just fine. Obviously, there are things that go over head, but the stuff that she was here to learn, she remembers. She is always the first one to come to class, and I’m slowly teaching her the stuff she missed, like how are you, what is your name, where are you from, etc. Then she participates and does her best in the more advanced lesson. I recently found out that she wasn’t even able to finish the 6th grade. It has been YEARS since she has studied something, and that’s not something that comes back easily. I really admire her persistence, and just her interest in studying in the first place. It’s not like she’s bored with nothing to do. She works at 2 adjacent stores in the market that are open all day every day.

            Last week, Seng Heak really shone as an Awesome Person. I had come home late from exercising, and she had come super early. So I told Seng Heak to wait for me downstairs while I quick go take a bath. On the way to the bathroom, my super-pregnant host sister told me that she wasn’t going to study that night because she was having belly pains. I said that’s just fine, and told her to relax. Then I took my shower. When I got out, there was quite a scene. My sister’s bedroom door was wide open, and Seng Heak was upstairs, quickly and neatly throwing things in a travel bag and ordering my host sister to get dressed. Apparently in the time I was in the bathroom, it was decided that my sister needed to get to Phnom Penh THAT night, in case the baby was coming earlier than her husband’s planned trip to get her 2 days later. Well, Seng Heak completely took control of the whole operation. She packed the bags. She thought of all the things my sister might need to bring with her. She made 5 or 6 trips up and down the stairs carrying all of her things to Pollo’s car and packed it in the trunk (another example of Pollo being an awesome person). She helped my sister get dressed, and walked her down to the car. She calmed down my sister and spoke words of comfort. I was SO grateful for all that she did, because I admit I was freaking out a little bit. My sister did not look well and I was afraid the baby was gonna fall out right then and there. I was just looking on, completely helpless, unable to help in any way other than convincing her to sit in the front seat of the car because I know she get’s car sick super easy. Seng Heak was exactly the person who needed to be there in that moment, and she really stepped up. After all, it’s not like her and my sister were long-time friends. They only met through my class. But that’s something I love about my adult class- it gives me AND my sister friends in this village that we are technically both kind of new to.

            Seng Heak is tall for a Khmer woman, with a flat and kind of stern face that completely lights up when she smiles. I noticed that when she is thinking really hard about the lesson, she makes the same expression as I noticed her son making, which cracked me up. They both have a sort of vacant expression when they are thinking with their faces point slightly downward, their eyes wide and pointing slightly upward, and their jaw hanging gently with their lips parted. She is notably kind to EVERYONE, whether or not she knows who they are. She is easy to talk to, and not too shy to start up conversations with anyone. She’s funny, patient, and caring. And I am so glad I happened to find her phone shop.

The crazy mama chicken teaching her chicks to climb trees. Why are Prey Veng chickens so weird?

My role-playing students

Pictures from the first time I went to monkey island.

This guy was waiting for me at the entrance.

Hey look! a fat Buddha! That is not common in Cambodia.

HOTTuh!

We're practically neighbors.

Honors Society students participating in the international writing olympics.

NO CHEATING!

Why I Prefer the Village People

And this has nothing to do with the YMCA.

Obviously, my host family lives in a village. I live in a village. With my host family. I love my host family. I can talk for hours with my brother and sister about anything and everything. However, when my EXTENDED host family comes to visit, my comfort changes.

My host brother’s parents (thus making them my parents as well) grew up in the villages, but have lived in a beautiful apartment in Phnom Penh for a long time now. My father is a well-educated man with a decent grasp of the English language. He used to work in some sort of control tower, aiding the American Air Force. Also in their Phnom Penh Apartment lives 2 of my parents’ grandchildren, who are all grown up already. One of them is 24 and is married with 2 children. The other is maybe 20 years old and is a university student. The granddaughter and her husband are also very highly educated. She works in a bank in Phnom Penh, but I’m not sure what her husband does. They do very well for themselves, are very comfortable with English, and are able to cater to their childrens’ every desire (and I mean EVERY). The grandson also boasts good English and a top-notch, expensive education. Actually the only one who can’t speak English in this house is my mother. She just enjoys repeating the few words she hears over and over again, with nearly unreckognizable pronunciation. Anyway, this entire family really is a group of wonderful, intelligent, and generous people. They are welcoming and friendly and beautiful people.

But. (you knew there was a but).

Why do I find myself groaning when I hear their voices, indicating their arrival? It took me a few months, but I was finally able to put my finger on what was happening here.

I have found that when I talk to more well-off Khmer people (and this extends to beyond just my family), I get talked AT instead of talked to. The high-class Khmer’s are just as excited to talk to me as the villagers are, but for different reasons. Their interest in me as a foreigner is limited. After all, they’ve seen plenty of foreigners in Phnom Penh. Instead, it’s more like an opportunity to show off. Sometimes it’s simple, like they will announce every move I make and every thing I do in English, just to show they have the vocabulary. Sometimes it’s more complicated. They will sit me down and rattle on about stuff I already know. I’ve been lectured by well-off Khmer about my own country on numerous occasions. They’ll lecture me about history, health, culture, science, etc. But these are not conversations. I’m not allowed to add anything. My role is to sit and listen, and be amazed by the wisdom coming at me. It seems like they feel they need to prove that they can be better than a foreigner. And sometimes that comes in different ways than proving intelligence. Sometimes they boast to me about their riches and all the trinkets they can afford. The washing machine, the beautiful house, the toys from America, the designer clothes. Omg the CLOTHES. The 24 year old dresses so nice, just like you would expect a cute Asian city girl to. She’s got little sundresses, shorts and fancy blouses, and all kinds of other things. And that’s what she wears when she comes to visit in the village. It’s like she’s going against her own culture. Look around you, no one else is wearing shorts above the knee. But anyway, the only thing that bugs me about this is that I always get compared to her. The sentence usually goes “wow, she’s wearing foreign clothes and looks beautiful! Much more beautiful than the actual foreigner. Why doesn’t Diana dress like that? She doesn’t know how.”

So, to sum up that last paragraph, I often don’t enjoy quality time with rich Khmer folk. Actually, interestingly enough, my favorite person who lives in that house is their servant.

On the other hand, we have the village people. Village people want to talk WITH me. They want to talk about the weather, food, family matters, work, pop culture, politics, travel, etc. They want to have NORMAL conversations. They actually want to get to know me. AND they want me to get to know them. They want to talk about Cambodia and America and other countries. They want to tell me what they know, and hear what I know.

I guess I just connect better with village people. As crazy as it seems, maybe we have more in common in some ways. I’m just glad I have a good number of friends here who treat me like a real person. I can’t say that I really like being put down in order to make others feel better about themselves.

This blog seems very negative. I didn't mean that. Let me try to word this differently.

I love that I live and work here in this rural village.

A quick work update: summer classes are finished and went well, particularly my beginner and pre-intermediate class.

The last month or so, I’ve been spend hours and hours every day working in the library. Things are finally starting to come together there. Money has been spent. Books have been purchased. They are organized and in their shelves, waiting for the students to read them. But there’s still a lot to do. Library cards need to be created, the room needs to be furnished with tables and desks, and most importantly, staff needs to be trained on running the library.

Classes supposedly start on Tuesday. I don’t plan on starting until the following week. I want to let the teachers and students get settled in their classes before I figure out my own schedule. Also, I will need that time in the library.

Sorry for the sudden decrease in blog output. I mentioned the hours and hours I spent in the library. Well, It’s true. I've been soooo busy and completely immersed in this project. Even in my DREAMS I’m working in the library.

Cambodia doesn't have McDonalds or Burger King or any of those. Lucky Burger is as good as it gets. And after a while at site, it is BEYOND good.

One of these trees is my favorite. Can you guess which one?

sunset

I went away for a weekend, and this is what my floor looks like when I return. (Hint, that's rat poop)

You can kinda see in the distance the chaos that happens down the road at the factory when the girls arrive at work.

Cars lie in Cambodia. A lot.

spider.

Before the painting of the world map happened, I sat in my room with crayons and did this!

This.. was a good day.

Emily the Tukay Lizard. He's about a foot long, and lives with me in my bedroom.

7 Reasons Why I'm NOT Leaving the Peace Corps

            I wrote an entire blog post on reasons why I want to go home. When I started writing it, I didn’t know that’s what it would turn into, but it did. Then I read it through, and deleted it right away. You know why? Because going home is not the decision I made.

            Recently I was talking to my Mom on the phone and trying to explain how I’ve been feeling the last few weeks. It’s really hard to explain, even to someone who understands me as much as my mom. I told her that Peace Corps is not a one-time decision. Peace Corps is a decision you make every. single. morning. Every day I wake up and I need to decide whether or not to stay. Now, of course some days this decision is incredibly easy that I barely think about it. But there are some days, weeks, and even months, where every day this question weighs heave on my heart, as it has the last few weeks.

            Before I go on, I want to remind people that leaving the Peace Corps is not really quitting. It’s just being brave enough to realize that either the job is not for you at this point in your life, or that the job is completed before the clock ran out. In the past few months there have been a few fellow PCVs who have made this decision, and written eloquent blog posts stating their sound reasons. So, in their style, I am creating this blog post.

            Why I’m NOT leaving the Peace Corps.

1. My job is not done. I am in the middle of this big library project, and things are even moving along as of now. And, although the numbers are fewer than I would like, I do have a few students who are really dedicated to learning English. In October when the school year starts, I will likely meet more. I am also in the planning stages of the second annual Create Cambodia Arts Festival, and there are whispers of a Girls Empowerment workshop for my province. I am part of a team creating a whole new curriculum and textbook series for the entire student body of Public School Cambodia to study English with. There are still things to be done here. Many of them could be done without me I realize, but I would be honored to be a part of it all.
2. My students. I mentioned above the handful of students who are dedicated learners. Well, they are also very dedicated to me. They are very much like younger siblings to me. I promised these kids 2 years and darn it, I’m gonna give it to them. A strange thing happened once I hit the 1 year mark. For certain students, I started seeing the imminent goodbye when I looked in their faces. It came on strong, strong enough to make me choke up a little. I know I’m way early for that, but I can’t pretend it’s not going to happen, that it’s not going to be final, and that it’s not going to be really really hard. I’m not ready for that goodbye yet.
3. Realistically, there’s nothing for me to rush home to. For a week or two things would seem perfect. I’d be right where I belong, surrounded by all my friends and family, but after a short time, life would go on. Friends and family would go back to their lives, and right now I don’t even have a life in America. I don’t have a job, any job prospects, or even really any idea of what I want to do. For at least a few months, I’d be keeping the couch warm, trying to figure out how this is better than sitting in Cambodia (aside from the comfy cushioning and temperate climate).
4. They asked me to stay. About 2 weeks ago, my oldest brother and also the Deputy School Director came to my house to visit with the family. Somehow, we began talking about my departure date in a year. He asked me what I was going to do afterwards. I told him I didn’t know. Then, he said one of the most loving things I’ve ever heard come out of his mouth. He asked me to stay. He told me I’m basically Khmer anyway. I speak the language, I know the customs, and I already have a built-in family. He said he could help me get a permanent job at the school, and he knows that the students and the community would be so ready to give me a great salary to teach private English classes. He said that marrying would be no problem for me, and I’d always have a home here. Of course I had to tell him that I couldn’t stay. But still, him asking meant a lot. Peace Corps applicants might be surprised to find out that in the Peace Corps, you can give everything you have from your time, to your expertise, and even to part of your own living allowance to your projects, but no one ever thanks you. I don’t expect thank yous, especially at this point, but this was probably the closest thing I’ve had to a thank you, and it felt even better.
5. I still have more to learn. I’m not so naive as to say that I know all there is to know about this country and these people. I am still learning about the language, the culture, the systems in place, the history, etc. The learning is much slower than when I first arrived, where on a bad day I learned 5 Khmer words a day. Now, if I’m lucky, I’ll learn 5 new words in a month. But still, it’s progress, and I do value everything I’ve learned about this country.
6. On the same thought process, I’m still learning more about ME and I’m still changing for what I believe is the better. Every day my patience is tested by people, time, the weather, and everything. Every day I’m forced to practice independence beyond what I ever thought I was capable of. I am constantly practicing forgiveness, grappling with my self esteem, considering creative alternative solutions, and doing my best to exemplify professionalism in a country where that trait is much less valued. And I’d be an idiot to say that I’m always successful at doing these things. Another year of practice might do me good.
7. The last reason is pretty simple. Regret. I don’t think I will regret staying. But if I leave, I think deep down I would always regret that decision. I don’t want to live with that. So this is for future Diana, to be regret free.

So far, the Peace Corps has given me the highest of highs and the lowest of lows and everything in between. In the blink of an eye, everything can change to the opposite of whatever yesterday was. Very often, I have not been in the driver seat of my own experience, but just sort of along for the ride, trying to grab hold of the steering wheel. Today, things may seem bleak, but who knows? Maybe tomorrow I'll be riding along as happy as a dog with my head out the window.

Besides, who would want a predictable life anyway. Not me.

Participating in the morning ceremonies of a wedding.

Traditional Khmer clothes.

We march down the street carrying gifts of fruit and Khmer cakes.

I let my sister dress me up for a wedding party. Oh, and I win at farmers tan.

The beginnings of the new library.

We took all the garbage, broken desks, and other useless things that were in there, and cleaned it up as best as we could.

And then started painting.

The students did most of the work.

Colors were chosen by my counterpart, Lina.

Half of the room is yellow.

We painted a green trim.

And the other side of the room blue.

Finished

New Youtube Cover

Check out my newest video. It took me like 6 months to make that (although most of the time was just procrastination).

And what would a blog post be without a few pictures as well.

This is how I roll.

The only temple in Prey Veng (tiny, but one of the oldest in the whole country).

I believe the heads, and of course the golden Buddha are new buy the bodies and the wall are original.

Prey Veng from a bird's-eye-view

This tree intrigued me.

Ba Phnom. The only hill in Prey Veng.

Instincts

            In America, I have a dog named Leo. He’s really smart and just about the cutest dog on the planet. However, he is a creature of habit and a slave to his instincts. For example, my dog thinks lotion is delicious. If you have lotion on your legs, he just can’t help licking. My mother or I would come out of the shower freshly shaven and lotioned (yes, before the PC I used to shave my legs! Lol). He would come bounding up to me because he missed me in the 10 minutes I was in the shower, and then realize my legs smell great. So, he’d start licking. That’s when I’d say “stop Leo” and he’s look at me for a second, then continue again. More forcefully this time, I would say “stop!” He’d stop and then try again, but this time, barely touching his tongue to my skin. Again, “LEO! Stop!” And this time, he’d start to slowly walk away, but crane his neck awkwardly to sneakily get a few last licks in, as if I wouldn’t notice. This is like the one thing for which he cannot help himself. He wants to stop but he can’t. The desire to lick the lotion is just too great.

            I was reminded of Leo the other day because I gave my students a test. Khmer students cheat, and for the most part in Cambodia, no one stops them. They look at each others’ papers, sometimes just passing papers around the room. They talk. And I don’t mean whisper. They just flat out ask around the room for answers. Well, I don’t stand for this, so, giving the test, I told the students NO talking and NO cheating. But they can’t help themselves. They stop and look at me, and do it again 30 seconds later. “No talking!” Now they try whispering and looking at their neighbor’s paper quietly. “NO CHEATING!” And that’s when they put their faces flat and so close to the desk and speak so quietly that I can’t even see or tell from which student the murmur is coming from. They simply CAN’T not cheat. The word “stop” just doesn’t make sense in this context for them.

2 of my Cambodian counterparts, Daly and Lina.

This was back in January when every student was decked out in Angry Birds Paraphernalia, but no one knew what it was! Students learn a lot more than just English in out Honor Society! 

The little bro.

That's how I brought in the new year. and then fireworks.

The big (read: tiny) sis.

Sisters

MAMA!!! I love her hugs <33 haha

DUIT!

I'm a great teacher.

Pig. For reference, he is about the size of the front of a car.