Diana At the Crossroad: International Women's Rights Day

Today is International Women’s Day, I am celebrating by reading stories and watching videos of countless women who have done extraordinary things and who really inspire me. I encourage you to check out this website and take a look at a few of these women.

http://www.makers.com/

I’ve always been a feminist, but of course I never gave myself that title until I was much older. Maybe it’s something that comes with having 2 brothers and countless older male cousins constantly roughing me up, but I just always had the opinion that if they could do something, there is no reason why I couldn’t also do it- possibly even better than them. I have been known to be competitive, sometimes to a fault, and that just stems from my innate thirst to prove myself.

When I was a kid, my mom signed me up to play baseball on my older brother’s PAL team. I played for two summers and I loved every second of it. I was the only girl on the team, and I was one of the youngest, if not the youngest player. I’m not going to say I was the best player on the field, but I was good. I never struck out once in those two years. I hit the ball at every at-bat, which was something none of the boys could say. I never hit a home run, but the coach could count on me for some contact.

My first year, I remember being somewhat oblivious to the fact that I was a girl. I wanted to play my best, not because I was a girl, but just because I wanted to be respected on the team. By my second year, I started listening to what parents and other coaches would say. Simple things like “wow, you have a girl on your team? And she’s good!” made me notice that people viewed me differently. Then I looked around and noticed that sure enough, there were maybe only 1 or 2 girls in the whole league. But anyway, I just loved the game. I wanted to be the first female major league baseball player. That was my dream.

But, after 2 years, my parents decided not to enroll me in baseball again. I’m still not sure of the reason. Maybe because they were worried their daughter was becoming too much of a tomboy? Or maybe they were afraid the boys’ skill would be too much for me as I got older? Or maybe it was because of that one game where I was assigned to play at first base, and my jealous brother flung a ball so fast at me during drills that it so painfully bent backward my entire big toenail. Regardless, that dream was never realized. In grade 7, I tried out for softball and played a year of that, but I still preferred baseball.

In high school I got really into volunteering locally and internationally. My efforts were noticed by my community. Many organizations, such as NOW recognized my dedication to serving others as a woman. I still was kind of clueless as to why it made a difference that I was a woman doing these things. Still for me, the most frustrating thing about being a woman was that I had to take gym class with GIRLS and they never wanted to actually play sports or do anything besides gossip (why couldn’t we do both at the same time?). Looking back, I now realize how much of an honor it is to be recognized by organizations like NOW.

College is when I really started becoming interested in women’s rights, and women’s empowerment. At the end of my freshmen year, I got out of a 3 year long abusive relationship. It took me months and months to climb out of that emotional rut, but it made me so much smarter and stronger. Once I was comfortable, I shared my story with people who would listen, hoping that if some can learn from my mistakes, they can spare themselves from making the same mistakes. In classes, I saw first-hand how professors and other people in power really do treat men and women differently. And not in a gender sensitive way, but in an unfair and sometimes offensive way. In my education classes, we studied statistics in education pertaining to gender, race, and social status. So, even if I hadn’t seen it in real life, there it was in black and white.

Later in college I started getting this idea that maybe I could do the Peace Corps. I secretly started my application, and I didn’t tell anyone until about 2 months into it. I was afraid that I wouldn’t know how to retaliate to “you shouldn’t do Peace Corps, you’re a girl. It’s unsafe.” And sure enough, when I did tell people my plans, I did get some of that backlash. To me, that is the most pathetic answer to “why not?” –“because you’re a girl.” It makes my blood boil. But I learned to take it quietly, retaliate softly when necessary, and then, most importantly, prove them wrong.

And now, here I am today. I am a Peace Corps volunteer in Cambodia, and by George I’m doin’ it. Actually, the majority of volunteers in my K5 group ARE female!

Even though I’m proving myself to doubters in America, that doesn’t mean I’m without trial here. Actually, there are many instances here where gender discrimination is way worse than in America. I am a foreigner, so I am given a certain amount of respect, but I am still a woman. There have been a few awkward conversations and even arguments with Khmer men because I was holding firm on my opinions which opposed to theirs. I have been warned “teacher, he is a male teacher, and he is older than you. You know that, right?” “yes, I know that, but I’m sorry, I’m not going to change the way I pronounce words, just because he is afraid students will realize he is wrong.” Or “I’m not going to make an exception for his daughter to study in my class when she is too young, just because he is male and older.”

Almost all of the teachers at my school are male. So, the fact that I am a woman does not go unnoticed. I do have to put up with occasional comments about my body. Here in Cambodia, I still need to prove myself to be more than just “a tall foreigner with white skin that came to meet the children and by eye candy for the faculty.” When I tell my faculty about plans I have or ideas, most often the response I get is basically “that’s cute. Good luck.” I have still only been at site for 5 months, so I am still establishing myself and proving myself, but I know for a fact that the first few projects would have been easier if I was a dude.

The hardest thing for me out here is seeing other women suffer from their lack of opportunity. Girls who stop school after 9^th grade so they can go work at the factory. Bright females having to stop school so that their family can pay for the younger male siblings to go to school and private classes. Girls being married off or made to help work in the market before they finish grade 12. Wives being forced to stay home and be housewives when they’re more than capable of having successful careers. Wives being forced to stay home while the men go out to drink and have girlfriends. Wives disallowed to travel, even to visit their own parents. Wives and sisters not being able to speak their minds because they are afraid of being beaten. These are all things I’ve seen with my own eyes, and heard with my own ears. The cool thing about the Peace Corps is that you live with the people and you build close relationships with them. I have women friends here who confide in me on all of these things. I don’t sit in an office and read statistics. I get the real stories from the real people. And I guess that while confronting their husbands is for the most part out of the question for me, the best thing I can do is be there for these women. I wish I had magic words to tell them to make the injustice go away, but there aren’t any. I just listen, care, and tell them that despite their situation, they are so special and so strong.

Last night I had a particularly tough conversation with my sister. She really opened up. I mostly just listened and sat with her for a few hours. I helped her go through possible plans of action, and then left it all up to her. I didn’t get much sleep last night. I was upset and things felt hopeless.

And then, ironically, I woke up to International Women’s Rights Day. Here in Cambodia it is a real holiday and students even get off from school. One of my students invited me to her village, where she told me she was giving a speech. I had nothing better to do and I really wanted to be supportive, so I went.

I was surprised to see a number of my students- male and female- congregated at a house. My student showed me a small wall-less library that she had actually fundraised for and had built so that young children in her village could come read books after school. She was so excited to show it to me, and I was so excited to see it! There was only one small bookshelf, and as I said, there weren’t any walls, but she did that! 11^th grade female Laitheam did that!

All the students were incredibly excited to have me there. Laitheam told me she wanted me to be an honored guest, but I refused that haha. She wanted me to sit with the village chief, but I was much more comfortable sitting with my students.

Then 10 of my students put on about a 15 minute play talking about the role of mothers in Cambodian families. The play was in Khmer, so I did not catch all of it. But basically, the play began with a few mothers working hard and being treated poorly, and then by the end, the participating men had a change of heart and thanked the women for all their hard work.

I sat there with a huge grin on my face and my camera pointed at them the whole time. I was an incredibly proud teacher today. While things are certainly far from perfect now, there is hope for women here in Cambodia. If this is what the new generation is already putting forth, I believe in a few years, women in Cambodia can see big improvements. I now see that my role here is to work for a better future, even though I won’t see the benefits myself in my time here. Educate the youth and encourage them, and soon they will become leaders of this country.

Once again, the students have done the teaching, and I have done the learning.

From left to right: Borun- my oldest brother and also the sub-school director, Dad- my brother's father, me, mom- brothers mother, Svannah- oldest sister- married to Borun, Sokhen- my sister.