Diana At the Crossroad: My 10th Graders Wedding

That’s right. I went to the wedding of one of my tenth grade students. I came out of Honor Society one day and one of my students, Kim (not in Honor Society) called over another student, Channet (in Honor Society). Then they both called me over as I was about to leave. Channet said “She wants to invite you to her wedding.” “Her whaaa? She’s getting married?.. You’re getting married?” “yes, teacher.” “…but… how old are you??” “sixteen, teacher.”

She told me the day and where her house is. I asked her which other teachers were going and told her I’d probably go with them. She was beyond happy to hear that and thanked me profusely. My next question was “are you excited?” to which she replied “uhh.. a little I guess.” My next question would seem like an obvious question to us, but she was completely thrown off guard. I asked “well, do you love him?” “uhhh.. teacher… I don’t really know him. My parents chose him.”

I congratulated her and asked one final question before pedaling off “so I guess this means you’re dropping out of school?” “yes, teacher”. “Well I’m really sorry to hear that.”

At that, I rode off with Channet, my jaw dragging on the floor. I still had to believe that I was missing something. I wanted to believe that I confused her as a tenth grader, but she’s really one of my 12^th graders. So I asked Channet “what grade is Kim in?” “Cher, she’s on our class.” Darn so she really is a 10^th grader. Again, all I could say was “but she’s so young!” I asked Channet if she was going, but she said no, her mother wouldn’t let her go and she didn’t know why.

At home I had just gotten into the bathroom in my sarong when Kim showed up on a moto with an official invitation for me. She was so awkward when I accepted the invitation in my sarong haha. Khmer women walk around in sarongs all the time, but I guess she never expected to see her foreigner teacher like that.

The day before the wedding, Channet came hurrying up to me to tell me she IS going to the wedding. Turns out her mother said no because the family didn’t have enough money to give a gift. Channet told her mother that she had some money that she could give. After a little more persuading (and a phone call to her grandfather), she was allowed to go. Channet is one of my poorer students, but that is one of the reasons she is such an inspiration to me, with all that she has accomplished despite that. But I was super happy for her, especially since it was her first time going to a wedding. (weird, it was my 12^th wedding in Cambodia alone! Haha).

The day of the wedding came. I went to my friend and co-teacher’s house, Lina. I waited for him so I could go with somebody. This is important because at Khmer weddings, you are seated with whoever you happen to show up with. So I went with Lina, and we happened to arrive at the same time as some of his older male students, and some ex-students of his. All male. So I was sitting at a table with them. So of course they just drank and drank and got really drunk and stupid. And all the time, I’m looking around wondering where all of my favorite 10^th graders are.

Finally they show up. It was so cool to see them all dressed up. They were all wearing like prom dressed and had their hair done and were wearing make-up. They look like children in their school uniforms, but in their dresses they were women for sure! They were beautiful.

After all the courses were served, and the only thing left to do was keep drinking, I left my table and went to go say hi to my students. And of course my presence meant one thing to them- PICTURE TIME! So I had to take pictures with all of them, as you can see below.

After picture time, we went to dance. It was fun and of course slightly awkward. But I bopped around with them, and hammed it up once in a while for a laugh. They seemed to enjoy it. It was especially awkward every time an old creepy drunk man would try to wisk me away and dance with me. HELLO can’t you see I’m dancing with my students??

We all left pretty early- we have early curfews haha including me.

I knew that in Khmer culture, weddings are often arranged, and girls are often married off before they finish high school. I read about it before I got here. I heard about it in training. I’ve heard stories from my host families. But still, this surprised me. I guess I can say that I was thinking that things were changing in Cambodia. In music videos and television shows, everything is about relationships and dating. Some of my students have boyfriends or girlfriends. But the truth is that most of these kids, especially the girls, are going to have their futures planned for them. Maybe things have changed in Phnom Penh, but that hasn’t reached the villages yet. This is actually my second female student that was married off during the school year- the other was a 12^th grader.

I’m not saying arranged marriages are bad or that they never work. I know of some couples here in Cambodia that work extremely well together. I just wish they would wait until they at least finish high school.

Here are my pictures from the wedding.

Dear Family: Please print copies of these pictures (one for each person in the photo) and bring them with you when you come to Cambodia. My students have been asking me practically every day for copies of the pictures.