The Hello Game

I think to a certain extent, almost every PCV plays the “Hello” game in their country. Simply put, the hello game is when the locals greet you in some way, and you must decide whether their greeting deserves a response.

At first, the Hello Game may seem fun, but unfortunately, it’s not fun for all. When I first arrived in country and was warned about the Hello Game, I figured, like everyone else, how bad could it really get? We were told by veteran PCVs that there will really be days where we are so fed up that we have to fight the urge to punch a small child in the face. That seemed like an exaggerated joke, or a hyperbole, if you will, but I’m here to tell you it’s true. I don’t care how much you love children, and how vast your patience is. The Hello Game is a game you sometimes just. dont. want. to. play.

After being at site for a while, I believe all PCVs take the Hello Game at its simplest form, and alter it. I believe this is because we are looking for SOME sort of control in the game. Eventually, we have rules, stipulations, and clear-cut winners and losers. Some rules are likely universal, some specific to Cambodia, and some specific to the volunteer.

So how do you win or lose the hello game? Unfortunately friends, the PCV never wins, but the PCV can lose, simply by either judging a greeting falsely, or by losing his or her cool (and punching that small child who was just the last straw). A win for a local happens when their greeting meets all criteria, and is thus rewarded with a returned greeting. A loss is when the greeting breaks the rules, and thus goes by ignored.

Here are some of MY rules

You WIN if:

1. You are a boy under the age of 12, or a woman
2. Your greeting is polite and follows ALL criteria.

You LOSE if:

1. You are male over the age of 13 (unless I know who you are, and your hello follows all other criteria)
2. You say hello more than once (ex. HELLOHELLOHELLO does not cut it)
3. You say “hello everybody.” I am not everybody. I am one person.
4. You say “HELLOWHATISYOURNAME!”
5. Or “HELLOILOVEYOU”
6. Or worst of all “HELLOMONEYINTHEBANK!”
7. Or “Whereyougo”
8. You and/or your buddies laugh uncontrollably after saying hello.
9. You beep your moto horn at me.
10. Your hello last longer than 3 seconds.
11. You are more than 50 feet away
12. I have already passed you on my bike, and you are now screaming at my back.
13. You reach out to grab me or my bike as you zoom past me on your moto or truck.
14. You babble gibberish at me to make your friends laugh because it looks like your speaking another language
15. It is before 6:00AM
16. Or after 6:00PM
17. You call me sir
18. You call me barang
19. You say “hello moto”
20. Or “hello tuk tuk” as those are not my name.
21. “OEEEEWW” is not another form of hello
22. You say “bonjour mademoiselle. ” (I realize this is polite, but I don’t know how to respond. Actually to be honest, usually I do say “uhhh.. no French. Khmer.”
23. You already played the game in the last 20 minutes.
24. I hear (and understand) you making fun of me in the moment leading up to your hello.
25. You are on a moto driving the opposite way as me, really quickly
26. You shout “TEACHER!” for no reason, other than to make me look in your direction, and then you laugh.

There are more, but that’s enough to get you thinking, eh?

And I know what you’re thinking. So what? Everyone wants to say hello to you. Why is that so bad? And my answer to you is.. ok, you’re right, it’s not. So let’s trade lives for a while and see how you take it after just 2 months. You won’t understand it til you live it.

Not all greetings I experience insanely rude and/or obnoxious. There are some that I will always respond to, and even miss when I go back to America.

• I love when students see me outside of school, and their face lights up as they say “hello teacher” or “hello ‘cher.”
• I love when I enter a classroom and the entire class stands in respect. But at the same time, I love when in my private classes, students don’t do that, but instead shout “JOAL RE-UN!” or “ENTER TO STUDY!”
• I love when students use the slang I taught them. My favorite is “what’s up, teacher?”
• I love when a toddler on a moto driving ahead of me turns around in his mother’s arms and silently waves.
• I love when students take off their hat to greet me. I feel like it’s the 40s and they’re tipping their hat to me.
• I love when students catch my eye from a distance, and instead of screaming Hello at me, break into a dance I taught them.
• I love when an older female friend puts her hand on my shoulder, back, or even butt to say hello, like they are fondly claiming me. (don’t judge. This is the closest thing to a hug I get here.

These Pictures are from back in March when one of my LCFs (teachers) from training got married and invited a bunch of us to his wedding in Svay Reing.

Me, Savin (another teacher), Samon (the groom), a village friend, and Rathana (yet another teacher)

Samon and Me

I wish I could say that this is me busting a move on that dance floor, but in reality there was a giant cricket on my shoulder.

The bride!

Bride and Groom!

The foreigners!

 These pictures are unrelated:

Teacher is goofy.

The students who participated in the Writing Olympics

7th graders playing a Khmer New Year game