There are about 100 different feelings that come with finally getting your invitation and then having about a month to let that sink in. I think it's different for everyone, but here is what I'm feeling:
- Relief. As my nominated departure date was getting closer and closer it was getting harder to tell people that I didnt know what I was doing after graduation because I might be moving to a third world country in just a few weeks. People would ask me non-stop, have you heard? I actually got myself a job for the summer because leaving for the Peace Corps didnt look promising for July. Once I got the invitation though, I had to be a jerk and turn down the job that I got. And it made talking to extended friends and family a lot easier because I had a difinitive answer.
- Urgency. The big blue envelope comes with a lot of paperwork inside and it can be overwhelming. There are time constraints on some things and I wanted to make sure I didn't miss anything. There are a lot of things to read, a lot of things to fill out and mail to various places, and there are some things that you have to take with you to fill out at staging. In addition to all the paperwork, there is the packing that needs to be done. I have to clean out my room and my closet before I go. I have to buy certain things before I go; everything from a cheap sturdy laptop to lots of underwear. I wish I could be getting this shopping done NOW but I have no money as of this moment.
- Inspired/Excited. Of course there are plenty of moments when I'm really excited. I do feel ready to go, ready to work my tail off in training, and ready to start this adventure. I'm excited to meet the people who will become my new friends and family. I'm excited to really experience something different. I'm excited to see what I can do for a people whom I know I will grow to love. I can't wait to see how this experience is going to effect me and make me grow. I am inspired to start making changes now. For example, I picked up running and working out again. I even started learning a little bit of the Khmer language.
- A little scared. Who wouldn't be? But it's not fear for the reasons I originally expected. For example, I am worried that I am going to lose too much weight because I am going to get soo sick of rice, but I am not worried about how I am going to adapt to a home with few technological comforts like plumbing and electricity. I am worried that the other Peace Corps volunteers in Cambodia won't get me and I won't fit in, but I'm not too concerned about my safety. You may think that this is foolish, but I think it is just because I have had time- a whole year- to work out my fears of safety and adapting. I've done tons of research on it and I've tested the Peace Corps on what they have to offer to help me in those areas. I have been reassured. I hope you are too.
- Sad. I loved college. I love music, I love learning, I love my professors and my friends. It is a little hard to mentally sort that period of my life into a memory of the past. It's weird to be cleaning up my room and getting rid of things like my undergrad handbook and my honors paperwork and important syllabi (plural?).
- Fickle. 2 years and 3 months is a very very long time. 2 years and 3 months is going to go by like the blink of an eye. I am so ready to go. I wish I had one more year of college. You get the idea. I'm also fickle in the way that I want to spend my last 35 days in the US. Sometimes I want to spend every waking minute with my family and friends. Sometimes I want to withdraw to a safe distance where it may not be so painful to leave from in a month. Recently I've felt like I'm grown up and I'm leaving my immaturity behind with my friends, and the sooner I can pull away from all that, the better. It's been fun, but I'm just in a very different place now and I need to let go and set my eyes on other things. Starting now.
I guess those are the main things. Some are probably universal and some are probably specific to my personality. And who knows, give me another week and things can feel totally different all over again.
Great post--I just received my invitation in the mail last week..and feel exactly the way you do. Thanks for making my jumbled thoughts seem decently normal :)
ReplyDeleteLoved reading this post. I just turned in my updated resume and questionnaire and am so anxious to know where they want to place me. I'm definitely still at the first phase: impatiently waiting my invitation.
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